Some old Coleman Balls “… he just can’t believe what’s not happening to him” David Coleman
“Marie Scott, from Fleetwood, the 17 year old who has really plummeted to the top” Alan Weeks
“There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with twenty thousand people….” David Coleman
“… a very powerful set of lungs, very much hidden by that chest of his.” Alan Pascoe
“And he can’t afford to be beaten because, if he is, he’ll be beaten” Tony Gubba
“The French are not normally a Nordic skiing nation.” Ron Pickering
From Tommy Cooper
If you drink and drive, remember that alcohol and petrol don’t mix - well, they do but the taste is terrible.
Does a cat wash his face - or does he wash his feet and wipe them on his face?
Show me a man with two feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t take off his trousers.
My wife said. “I saved myself for you.” I said, “You didn’t have to save so much.” She said, “I was Miss England.” I said, “And a part of Wales” too!!”
I was just thinking - what do you give a sick florist?
I went in a pub and had a ploughman’s lunch - he wasn’t half mad!
Did you hear about the Salvation Army drummer who quit because his mother didn’t want him hanging around on street corners!
Dave’s Garden Party
Bob Newton reports that Dave's 'Garden Party' went well despite the rain, and raised quite a sum for Walsall Breast Cancer and some people even won on the tombola - like our member Bob Westwood here enshrined in photo.
If you couldn’t attend, I bet you are now sorry to have missed out on the food, drink, socialising, donating and the chance to win such an outfit. You must tell Mr Westwood how grand he looks .
The Grim Reaper came for me last night , and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot !
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web..
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.